It Is What It Is As Such

IMG_6912 - 2008-05-21 at 23-29-10

Hmmm, this sounds like it could also apply to employee handbooks in many businesses. But I can’t write about that kind of stuff. Nor about myself. It’s not allowed. Look on page seventeen, paragraph fifteen. Line . . . oh, never mind.

It’s been a somewhat nerve-wracking few days for me. Is Mercury still retrograde? Did somebody slip something into my coffee to make me believe incorrectly on any number of topics? Is Obama still President? It could be a lot of things, all at once, I suppose. Whatever it is it has not prevented the cat from bringing another mouse into the house.  She’s stalking it as I write, at this very moment, and what I am writing is being published as truth in the very near future. Well, not really truth. It’s just me spouting a few ideas. I’ve lost track of how many times I have misperceived things and situations during the past few days. It gets frustrating, I wring my hands, and then I reach for the quotes from some person of note.

“Strange how paranoia can link up with reality now and then.” ~ Philip K. Dick

I’ve been feeling pretty paranoid lately. I’m used to that because it happens all the time. I was told by a past therapist of mine that “nobody does anything to anybody else”. Seems to me that this means that there is a vast conspiracy of exclusion. But it can also be seen as a euphemism, or so it seems to me.

As you may be able to tell, I am in a rotten mood. My life could end today and I would be no less for the loss. I know – I know – count my blessing. K, I will. Promise. Soon, really really soon. In the meantime I will expand my consciousness. There, that feels better. I had no idea it was so easy.

I thought I just heard a television on next door. I went closer to listen and heard nothing. Then I realized that it was a bird outside, and my perceptions were skewed, as they so often are. But who watches television outside? I guess wild birds are pretty much locked in to that, yet I was unaware that wild birds even watch television  I tell ya, they are messing with my head!

Well, this post oughtta knock my reader stats down to nothing. I deserve it, I know. Who wants to listen to gripes from a grump. But I’m not, per se, a grump, I’m a curmudgeon’s apprentice. There’s a big difference, but I forgot what it is – obviously.

Depression is an awful thing. Do I use it as a crutch, or as an excuse to get people to expect less from me? How would I know? Doesn’t the answer to that depend on how others perceive my behavior? Why am I asking so many questions? Does that mean . . . oh, never mind. I’m just making this stuff up.

“I just think that fiction that isn’t exploring what it means to be human today isn’t art.”  ~ David Foster Wallace

Maybe I’m just tired. Soul tired. Then again, maybe I’m simply a pessimist. Either explanation might fit. I’m not really concerned about that except as an example of ironic proportions. I’m certainly capable of that; irony, that is.

“Most people treat the present moment as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome. Since the present moment is Life itself, it is an insane way to live.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Oh great. Now I’m crazy too. Might as well accept it. Get into the Now, where I am not I. It’s not that I disagree with brother Tolle – I happen to agree with him on many levels – it’s just I’m stuck in my ego today. Then I remind myself that seeking to be beyond the ego is rather egoic in itself. Not my cup of tea.

And here, and now, I begin the final paragraph of this post. I haven’t actually made myself feel better. Have you? No, wait. That doesn’t make sense, so never mind. Yes, I did hear the distant shrieks of coyotes this morning in the dark. And I am going to work with animals today. I’ll watch a raven fly should it happen by.  All of those things that are so important to me I will do. So the rest of this post – the whole first part – well . . . please forget I even said it all at all et al. It’s like totally messed up and stuff, bro. No, not really. I feel sad and angry and as if nothing can ever be better ever again. That’s the real truth. Such as it is and it is what it is as such. Go figure.

Peace out, y’all.

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