“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.” ~ Edgar Allan Poe
It’s been a night of coyotes prowling nearby. I’ve been awake on and off throughout. Anxiety stuff. Worries about finances is the bulk of it, but that is old territory for me. There’s no way out, but I will find one. And shaky too. The agitation feels quite like the effort it takes to resist doing the hermit thing in regards to a down-cycle of depression. Stuff to do, stuff to do. Housesitting for the ex begins this afternoon. I’ll be needing the porch by then. So far Taylor Swift has not contacted me, so I will be on the porch alone. Poor me. Speaking of women, my old and dear friend, Kim (Here’s lookin’ at ya, kid.), sent me a link, via Facebook, to an article on a shaman’s view of mental illness. It’s old territory for me, the stuff the author writes about, but it comes at a good time. And speaking of good times, I remember the night Kim and I first became close. I was out bicycling at night and I was passing the Harbor Bar, at the Chesapeake Resort on Upper Matecumbe Key, when Kim spied me from her car and waved me down to invite me for a drink. She had something on her mind and I was simply dazzled being there with her, listening to her sharing her concerns. I seriously thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Sea breeze, water bird’s night calls, live music, and good company. Beauty. We were in it together. She is one of the loves of my life. There are over ten now, I stopped counting. Lucky me. I saw another one of them yesterday at the robot self-check at the supermarket. She’s a tiny young Spanish beauty named Amber. Once again, lucky me.
It feels like even my brain is vibrating. As I write, here this morning, about how much love I feel, it feels as if my very brain is vibrating as well, along with my body. It is life force but it also the Spirit trying to get Its vibes in edgewise through the accumulated muck of my mental state. Breathe, good buddy, breathe. I’m remembering the days after my bicycle accident and NDE. When I came back to this life, the portal to the Other Side was wide open for a spell. I was burning bright. It was hard to handle. I feel it poking at me now, in the guise of my Grandma Olive’s finger reminding me that good grammar and a love for word are all I need right now. Words, through spelling, create spells, which then conjure the magical dreams that prop up our daily material life. We’d be hard pressed to live without this magic. So what if I am a shaky guy today. I needn’t feel embarrassed about it but I usually am. I simply remind myself that these intense waves that wash through my nervous system are the Life Force. The Spirit is pushing it’s way through and I tremble at Its very touch. Lucky me. Taylor, sweetie?! I’m still waiting.
Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously. I plan to.