Change Doesn’t Go Away

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“We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.”   ~  Ray Bradbury

Home at last. My surroundings for the past three days were much lovelier, more spacious, more elegant, and possessed of a gasp-inducing view of the mountains. Yes, I gasped a few times. But I don’t think I gasped at all during the last two years I lived there. Depression had me and it was wringing my neck quite effectively. In some ways it still is. I made a mistake and it changed me. Part of that change stayed with me, and it is still wringing my metaphorical neck. I’ve got to change that but I don’t know how. Change doesn’t go away. Never. I’ve got to learn to show it what to do, where to go, and how to stay out of its own way. That’s good advice for me as well. Will I listen? I just did, I wrote it down. It has become part of me. Funny how that happens. Playing safe is, in many ways, playing rough. Life creates friction when necessary.

“If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.”  ~  Ray Bradbury

The chicken coop is about 20 feet from my window. I hear them clucking out there, and the rooster is crowing frequently. Today is a work day. Half a shift. Then I have a six hour wait until a therapy session. The therapist is a good one. I like the way she sometimes just gazes at me silently, as if fishing, and I bring forth the fish from where they’ve been hiding in the rocks. My feelings these days are like groupers; big and sluggish. I honestly don’t remember the last time I was spontaneously happy. This is not even a complaint. I playfully diss positive thinking at times. You’ve read some of that here. But my goal is to yank depression out of hiding, and to leave it out where I can get a gander at the beast, and to tell it things that will get it to calm down and glow for a change. I’m at long last ready to fight. It’s hard to do that when your brain tells you that it won’t work to do so. It just won’t. Dude like you are wasting you time dude so chill. Ya just gotta get used to being down with feeling down. Some things never change. My brain really pisses me off at times.

Let’s see how the day goes. No two days are ever the same at the shelter. Caring, group caring, for animals is an enterprises built of hope and love. We have a great crew at the shelter, from the administrators on down. We caregivers are in the trenches. It’s hard to be there, and we get compassion fatigue, and we get sad too. What the heck. The crew is a good one. Heroics are not rare. That’s what we like. Onward.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

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