Kestrels and Dreams

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“Might we begin then to transform our passing illuminations into abiding light?”   ~  Huston Smith

“The game I play is a very interesting one. It’s imagination, in a tight straightjacket.”   ~  Richard Feynman

“The opposite of a true statement is a false statement, but the opposite of a profound truth is usually another profound truth.” ~  Ken Wilbur

I always root for the kestrels when magpies come to seek dominance. Some mornings the kestrels just seem to be best applied to moving along. The magpies always cheer when that happens, a squawky cheer that may as well be mockery. This morning the kestrels were having none of this. Against the silver-hued sky, against the silhouette of the Sacred Mountain, I watched as the kestrels’ superior aerobatic skills left the magpies frustrated, but the adamance of the corvid thugs did not abate, so the air chase ballet held my attention for a spell. I cheered the kestrels in silence, for it felt as if any outward sound might take away from the flickering moments. My usual habit at times like these is to seek semiotic wonder, totemic grace, within the tableau before me. But it’s not really a tableau is it, I just make it so for convenience sake, for after all I have to weave it into semantic form or this blog will friggin never get written. What unfolds before me is more like quantum grace. No need to pin down something that will disfigure the truth if I do so. If I embrace the moment I may lose sight of where the beginning of my observation may have taken me. Boy howdy it is where I want to go! It is as if a dream peeked through the veil I have cast upon mundane things, where I live beneath fears and absurdities, giving them support, yet when the dream gains contact I am like all giddy and stuff, because I want to go there, I want to bloody well want to GO there! That dream wasn’t playing peek-a-boo for nothing. Right?

 The ever-present anxiety is on an up cycle today. It comes in waves that source in different places at different times. Today it surges out from my solar plexus, but some days it comes from my heart. Today the surges flood up and through  a lens between shoulders and neck, the on and up into my ears. That’s a new one. I never felt it in my ears before. My take on that is that I need to keep listening, not keep telling, for anxiety not paired with movement gives anxiety a chance to sink its creepy teeth in deeper. The depression? I’ve been keeping that successfully disarmed, and the shade of depression just stands there and it is like dude why’d ya take my guns dude. Keeping depression at bay when it is all lit up and rarin’ to go is simply tiring. I had a six hour nap yesterday. That worries me a bit but I will let those worries go ride the wind for now, elsewhere.

Today’s schedule somewhat resembles a real schedule. Go into town on a little job-search jaunt, then a reality shift in the guise of a phone call at 10AM. This afternoon I’ll be helping my friend again, a little handiwork to the tune of more fascinating and mind-nourishing videos from You Tube. I don’t watch them, I just listen, for they are interviews and talks. As I just pointed out, listening is just the thing today. Besides, you can’t watch internet videos and do anything else of practicality at the same time. Dreaming is different. Handiwork and dreams are not mutually exclusive, right? If you look  at dreaming from the angle of practicality you might well see that watching videos on your smartphone while on the run or while working is detrimental to effective dreaming. I’m just sayin’, k?  Don’t look at me in that tone of voice. Anyway  .  .  .  I really would love to stop by the animal shelter to see my old tabby friend Lucas. But that is not likely. Hear tell that that place is not kerfuffle-free as of yet. Heck, maybe I’ll go anyway. Or maybe not. Let’s not pin it down. I’ve got a dream to tend to. It is coming up on Full Moon as well. The Veil is opening up. I’ve been asking the Goddess to show me a sign lately.  We’ll see.

Peace out, y’all.

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