Fascinated By Ideas

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“If man is to survive, he will have learned to take a delight in the essential differences between men and between cultures. He will learn that differences in ideas and attitudes are a delight, part of life’s exciting variety, not something to fear.”   ~  Gene Roddenberry

The rooster beats his wings exactly four time when he crows after a period of silence. After the wing thing he crows freely for a while then stops. Then the four wing beats and he goes again. Friggin guy started at 2:30 AM. Yes, I was already awake at that time. Things have been a little wonky since my job was taken from me a month ago. My relationship to time is a little bit tenuous these days. But right now it’s the moon, a Blood Moon, Super Moon, whatever, and she’s not letting go. The pre-dawn lightening of the sky merely shows that the Sun is catching up with the Moon, which has been at it all night. It’s just lights changing along with the dance between two significant orbs. Elegance. And flowing beneath the various mental disorders there is peace. Let’s hope it stays that way. So far, buddy, so far. Note that I am an advocate for the open acknowledgement of mental illness. Yes, I have it but it is not me, not a character trait, not a demon. I can tune in and see demons at work on Ghost Adventures, so I don’t need to search within to find them. I can tell you right now that those wacky fellas know how to handle demons! But even they back off on occasion. Hipsters or not you can only go so far with a spirit before it pushes back. Be careful. That’s all I’m sayin’. I am. Not that I’m sayin’ you should be like me, it’s just that  .  .  .  oh, never mind. As for inner demons let’s just stop calling it that. Language has so much power over the way we perceive. It is especially good to remember this when dealing with mental illness. Never say my illness, say I have illness. It makes a big difference. I say this from within a quite effective bout of enveloping PTSD which has been going on since 8:15 AM, Monday, July 27th of this year. The weekly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps a lot, and I can take a stronger midday dose of gabapentin, but that just makes me sleepy, yet it is effective. I just trance out at random times. As far as I can tell this trancing out comes from being overwhelmed by that chatter which is dark memories, harsh self-judgement, and plain old silent shouting appeals of “poor me”. When the PTSD abates these manifestations, infestations, whatever, will no longer be a consideration. This is friggin passing stuff. Yes, it may come back. It cycles. But with a lack of emotional shocks or triggers it pretty much lays low, slinking into the nearest shadow to sulk. Some people can work with the memory of the actual trauma that triggered it in the first place. I’m not so lucky. That moment of trauma that triggered for me is not there. It is totally wiped clean. Ya know, maybe it could be retrieved through hypnosis, but who friggin wants to go there?! Let it be.

I had a notion to talk about the research I have been doing into the work of Dr. Stuart Hammeroff, of the University of Arizona, and Sir Roger Penrose, a Mathematical Physicist and Nobel Prize candidate. These guys rock. But it’s a tad too heady for me, so I have a lot of digesting to do before I can express my views in a respectable manner. Then there is Dr. Robert Lanza and his Biocentrism theory. My mind is eating this stuff right up. I’ve not been so fascinated by ideas in a long time. It’s almost like waking up from that dream in which I worked at an animal shelter was a catalyst that opened my mind, and having my mind stimulated like this, to this degree, is good medicine for that PTSD illness. Rationality works to pull the illness back into submission, and speculative rationality even more so.

The Sun is nearly up. Think I’ll wander over and through the side gate so I can watch the burgeoning light for a spell. Got some fresh coffee waiting as well. PTSD is painful but life is good. Yes.

Peace out, y’all. Goof Gloriously.

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