Right About Now

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“This happened back east of course. I’ve heard that term a lot since coming to this part of the country. But I never think of the term as a marker of geography. It’s a reference to time, a statement about time, about all the densities of being and experience, it’s time disguised, it’s light-up time, shifting smoky time tricked out as some locus of stable arrangement.”  ~  Dom DeLillo

It has been an hour now that I have been searching for an acceptable quote to begin with. You see, I am in the thick of a temporal crisis, temporal fugue, whatever. Let’s just say that my present life situation is unpleasant, so I am often reluctant to stay present, giving sway to the enduring swarm of what-ifs around me, almost as if I at one time used the phrase ” . . . and time after time” and now I am stuck in it. If this is indeed the case it was a stupid thing to do. And if all that makes any kind of sense at all to y’all then have fun with it. It’s hurting my brain. This all started last night during a conversation with a friend, which was actually more like me ranting at the edge of panic than it was a conversation. She at one point said something like the past doesn’t matter, and I was like then why bother making more of it if it is only going to be discarded anyway. My inner red flag popped up immediately as I thought that. I never said it out loud. The thought alone was too much without it being spoken as well. That’s what I get for spurning the conventional wisdom. This too shall pass.

There’s not much to it today. Feeling pretty confused about things, and certainly not up to any kind of profound writing. But the day is a pretty one already, the kind that should give me a good go get ’em walkin’ on sunshine boost. The only necessary errand is to go buy an old fashioned incandescent light bulb. The last one I had, in the overhead lamp, burnt out last night. Now, with all those curlycue modern ones the lighting is like eating a meal that is too small. My brain is like okay where’s the rest of it. I should get two bulbs, one for the overhead and the other to hold over my head until it lights up. I could use a bright idea right about now. Now is all there is.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

 

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