Of Longing and Therapy


“There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.”  ~  Fran Leibowitz

Right away I need to point out that I disagree with the opening quote, but I chose the quote because I resonate with it in a consistent manner. It speaks to one of the underlying currents in the mental illness I have. The illness may never go away. This is a possibility that I must live with. Some say that dedicated positive thinking can overcome this illness. Maybe. Just maybe. Who knows. I doubt it though. Is that negative? Maybe. As I have written here before, I strive to find some purpose in these illnesses – Bipolar 2 and PTSD. I repeat this diagnosis for the benefit of any new readers that arrive at EyeYotee. I want to note that I now have consistent readership in countries besides the US. I love this. It somehow frees me up. Somehow. Some way. I can’t describe it. It’s a feeling – rather both a feeling and a drive. Let’s ride with it, k? I feel dizzy this morning. Uncomfortable, and I have my final physical therapy session come 9 AM. I somehow dread the session. That is because of the way the neck and shoulder exercises trigger PTSD memories, which then express as full body reactions, as if the events that served to create the PTSD in the first place are here and now. Today. Right at this moment. This phenomenon is already beginning to stir. Poor me, right? It is helpful, however, that my therapist is a beautiful woman, as is one other therapist. The ‘one other’ is the one I hope to get today, because she flirts a tad, and that is a healing influence, but I am scheduled with the tall kid; a young man who will do just fine. Ugh, I’ll not go on about this. What is on my mind is inner peace and I aspire to bring it forth today. What I feel is Longing, a word I capitalize to underscore that Longing, in the Celtic spiritual path I wander upon, is a force that beckons me forth. Call it the light at the end of the tunnel and you are underselling the concept. I know, I’ve been there. So I will endeavor to go there today. I need the release from the tensions of life today. That’s what I call getting better. Boy howdy I will be in the moment before day’s end – just as I am right now, here, whatever.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

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