Beautiful and Terrible


“No one ever said that you would live to see the repercussions of everything you do, or that you have guarantees, or that you are not obliged to wander in the dark, or that everything will be proved to you and neatly verified like something in science. Nothing is: at least nothing that is worthwhile. I didn’t bring you up only to move across sure ground. I didn’t teach you to think that everything must be within our control or understanding. Did I? For, if I did, I was wrong. If you won’t take a chance, then the powers you refuse because you cannot explain them, will, as they say, make a monkey out of you.”  ~  Mark Helprin, Winter’s Tale

“Sometimes attaining the deepest familiarity with a question is our best substitute for actually having the answer.”  ~  Brian Greene, The Elegant Universe

There was a little more snow sometime during the night. It’s a lovely world out there. Several days of lingering stormy weather has been a period of sweetness for me. I can’t rightly say exactly why that is. I do love a good storm, and most of them seem small after seeing Hurricane Andrew back in 1992. No more hurricanes for me. They are beautiful for their power and terrible for the same reason. It’s sort of like the ancient descriptions of angels – beautiful and/or terrible – or both. I know the ‘both’ thing. The spirit being that came to me when the van came through the wall of the house, and saved me from significant harm, was both beautiful and terrifying in her power. There is no true description of such a thing. You had to be there, which I was, obviously. A young man mentioned that van accident to me a few days ago. His wife told him about it. She and I worked together back then. It is something I so rarely think about, in part because it was so damned strange. But I did get a kick out of calling in sick to work while sitting on the exam table in the Emergency Room, then explaining what had happened. The owner of the store where I worked answered the phone. I knew what his facial expression would look like as I told him the news. It was simply a delicious moment. Now, about the spirit being, that serious duality of power is one of the reasons it took so long for me to begin writing about my NDE, which happened back in 1984. NDEs likely sound preposterous to many people. It took me nearly 20 years to begin writing the book. Much of that was unavoidably due to needed research. If I had been a Christian it would have been much easier, because I would have had a built-in head start because of the belief system. There is a large Christian NDE book market these days. But I digress, pivot, whatever. The main thing that kept me from writing for so long is that I wanted to justify the experience, I wanted to write it so well that any reader would be inclined to believe me. I so much wanted to be believed. It wasn’t until I finally realized that this was not possible that I allowed myself to simply tell the tale on its own merits. Oh, by the way, I sold a paperback copy of the book last week. That’s makes me $1.86 richer! It’s been a long time since I sold a copy. It’s fun, and fulfilling, to know that someone new is reading it. Because of the nature my my neck and shoulder issues I had to explain to the massage therapist last week exactly what had happened to precipitate the injuries. I went ahead and told her about the NDE as well. I was hemming and hawing, trying to downplay the woo woo stuff, but at one point she softly said, “It’s okay, I believe this stuff”. That made it so much easier to complete the telling. So maybe it was she who bought the book? Maybe. I saw the sales report on Amazon (where the book is published) the next day. Could have just been a coincidence. Whatever. I’m still feeling the benefits from that massage, nearly a week later. That’s the important part at this point and place in time. Well, ummmm, it’s a workday. Think I’ll mosey on into that headspace; see iffin I can get a foot up on the day before I even start.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

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