Life Its Own Self

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“Letting ourselves be forgiven is one of the most difficult healings we will undertake. And one of the most fruitful.”  ~  Stephen Levine

“Simply touching a difficult memory with some slight willingness to heal begins to soften the holding and tension around it.”  ~  Stephen Levine

“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.”  ~  R. D. Laing

Three storms on the way. Coffee all consumed. Cat lounging under my chair. Microwave neck wrap heating up in the microwave. Stiff neck. Yeh. What else? I include the two quotes above because one of my writing heroes passed away just about one year ago. The man was all about healing. I like what he said, many times over. Stephen Levine is the fella I’m talking about. I just wanted to mention that, k? Yeh.

I’m relishing the cold morning. The neighborhood is peaceful today. And my hearing is all about the ringing that nearly overrides every sound within earshot. Complaining, I am. And I am trying really really hard to believe that the powerful healing transition I am going through will eventually include a notable diminishment of the whining in my ears. One can only hope.

It’s another massage session for me in one week. I can’t wait . The first session, as it turns out, was highly beneficial. There is much more to come. Of that I am sure. The therapist has good hands, and the healing touch. Yeh, she knows her stuff, and I made a good choice with her.

I note that my writing style this morning is somewhat clunky. So be it. I’m feeling a deep disturbance in the Force, because tomorrow afternoon there will be a President Trump in our world. I’m not making that up. Friggin guy! I’ve mentioned before that .  .  .  oh, never mind. I’m just upset, that’s all. I’m NOT feeling eloquent, k?! I’m feeling like curling up with an escapist movie this afternoon, after my psychotherapy session.

I’ve got healing on my mind. It is most certainly a physical thing. I’ve been through physical therapy and that helped. Now it is massage therapy I choose. My intuition sends me incessant messages that keep me focused on the body as the place where trauma is stored. Muscle memory. PTSD. I’m all squirmy and stuff this morning. I just want to hide away. It’s my day off from work, so there is adequate time in which to hide.

It is time to wrap up this post. I just cannot get into writing today. I’m including a snippet from Peter Levine, below. He articulates PTSD succinctly in this passage. I appreciate that. It gets tiresome to live in a constant state of alarm. You never get used to it. I’m all about healing today. Goddess knows I have plenty to work with. You can’t make the trauma go away, without removing the source, and the source is life its own self. Yeh.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

“In response to threat and injury, animals, including humans, execute biologically based, non-conscious action patterns that prepare them to meet the threat and defend themselves. The very structure of trauma, including activation, dissociation and freezing are based on the evolution of survival behaviors. When threatened or injured, all animals draw from a “library” of possible responses. We orient, dodge, duck, stiffen, brace, retract, fight, flee, freeze, collapse, etc. All of these coordinated responses are somatically based- they are things that the body does to protect and defend itself. It is when these orienting and defending responses are overwhelmed that we see trauma.

The bodies of traumatized people portray “snapshots” of their unsuccessful attempts to defend themselves in the face of threat and injury. Trauma is a highly activated incomplete biological response to threat, frozen in time. For example, when we prepare to fight or to flee, muscles throughout our entire body are tensed in specific patterns of high energy readiness. When we are unable to complete the appropriate actions, we fail to discharge the tremendous energy generated by our survival preparations. This energy becomes fixed in specific patterns of neuromuscular readiness. The person then stays in a state of acute and then chronic arousal and dysfunction in the central nervous system. Traumatized people are not suffering from a disease in the normal sense of the word- they have become stuck in an aroused state. It is difficult if not impossible to function normally under these circumstances.”  ~  Peter Levine

 

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