The Sense of Being Alive

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“It is difficult to write a paradiso when all the superficial indications are that you ought to write an apocalypse.”  ~  Ezra Pound

“Love was undoubtedly one of the things capable of changing a person’s whole life, from one moment to the next. But there was the other side of the coin, the second thing that could make a human being take a totally different course from the one he or she had planned; and that was called despair. Yes, perhaps love really could transform someone, but despair did the job more quickly.”  ~  Paulo Coelho 

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me. Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”  ~  Shel Silverstein

Pale stars, quiet morning. Even the shooting star I saw down to the south was pale. As always these days the early morning temperature is hovering around the freezing point. Yeh, quiet. I’m feeling, finally, the full aftermath of the illness that hounded me last week, and also the ill feeling that the now finished course of antibiotics brought on. Mixed blessing, that. But today is massage day, and that is always a point of joy for me. The relaxation that the massages bring to me is a joy unto itself, but the deeper energetic changes are the truest joy. I choose women as my healthcare providers for a good reason: they have a naturally nurturing affect, effect, whatever, as a given. But with the massage there’s more to it. The intimate hands on attention plays out energetically with a powerful synergy that I expect can only be overtly experienced when accessed with a mindful approach to the given attention; a synergy that is innate to nonjudgmental communion within the interplay of male and female energy. The flow this creates is a really sweet and profound state of being and feeling. It’s a quality of life thing. I’m not real sure if I would mention this perspective to the massage therapist, or not, as I am not sure if such interplay is a private thing or not. I would think not, but then I would think a lot of things, and I do. One of the truly dark things about the depression and anxiety I wrestle with on a mostly ongoing basis is the involuntary suppression of the sense of being alive. The massages have heightened this sense to a wordless level. Life! I go outside after a massage and look around in wonder at the world as I see and feel it as a result. You can’t beat stuff like that. Hey, maybe I should mention it to her? We all need feedback on how well we perform our job. I’m just not sure. As for now, it is time to finish this post and get to a task I need to and don’t want to do. But it is for a good cause, and any dampening residuals I get as I perform the task will be washed away by the massage. Don’t think I am obsessing here. These massages have become a spiritual experience for me. I will have it no other way.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.



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