Seeing Outside the Crawlspace


“Start at the beginning,” he said. “Move one step in the direction of your goal. Remember that you can change direction to maneuver around obstacles. You don’t need a plan, you need a vector.”   ~  Cory Doctorow

“Stop thinking all the time that you’re in the way, that you’re bothering the person next to you. If people don’t like it, they can complain. And if they don’t have courage to complain, that’s their problem.”  ~  Paulo Coelho

Have you ever considered how much you pay for the packaging of a product, tangible or otherwise, that the seller is trying to convince you is valuable, and the packaging is part of the appeal? How such a question comes to me at five in the morning is beyond me. Maybe I’m still half asleep. I get that during the earliest part of my work shift; a customer says “I’m still half asleep” and I want to ask “What if you’re not?”. That could go either way, and I don’t want to confuse people, so I don’t ask. I’d be a smartass anyway if I asked such a thing. I firmly believe that one should be a smartass only in appropriate situations. It’s your decision as to when that is. Life is full of choices, and some are made without thought. Or maybe it’s just me. Soooo, what kind of morning is it? I often comment on what kind of morning it is. This morning I haven’t decided yet, which mildly alarms me because it means that thinking is involved instead of feeling. That’s one really bizarre thing about chronic, visceral anxiety: it not only wields shields against what’s out there in the world, it also shields against what I am feeling. I mean truly feeling, of course. Of course. The disorder is somewhat analogous to a crawlspace, with all that may imply. But life goes on. Ob la di ob la da. There were serious coyote calls earlier. It was the best performance they have put on in a long time, in months. That pleases me to no end. The temperature now at sunrise is 50º. Rosie the cat has been shedding bigtime for the past week. That means the season is changing, which is just about right on time for these parts. Now, moving forward, the reason I mentioned the anxiety earlier is that it is cranked way up this morning. From self-training I have come to be more acutely aware of natural beauty when the anxiety runs high, because beauty is one of the best medicines for it. Yeh, I could go up across the border to Colorado and check out a dispensary and what manner of herb they have that might help. Maybe someday. Maybe. Anyway, seein’ as how I am searching for beauty today I will be all the better off for it. It is a choice I make that serves me well, and a beautiful sight or feeling sometimes actually poofs away the anxiety on the spot. Later today I have a psychotherapy session at noon and massage at four. It will be interesting to have that one/two punch of therapy back to back. If I set my intentions just right then . . . well, we’ll see.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s