Why So Serious?

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“The bodies of traumatized people portray “snapshots” of their unsuccessful attempts to defend themselves in the face of threat and injury. Trauma is a highly activated incomplete biological response to threat, frozen in time. For example, when we prepare to fight or to flee, muscles throughout our entire body are tensed in specific patterns of high energy readiness. When we are unable to complete the appropriate actions, we fail to discharge the tremendous energy generated by our survival preparations. This energy becomes fixed in specific patterns of neuromuscular readiness. The person then stays in a state of acute and then chronic arousal and dysfunction in the central nervous system. Traumatized people are not suffering from a disease in the normal sense of the word- they have become stuck in an aroused state. It is difficult if not impossible to function normally under these circumstances.”  ~  Peter A. Levine

Yesterday was a hard one, a self-care kinda thing, one long reminder to breathe. Why so serious, Mr. Ebert? PTSD is serious. That’s why. I reread yesterday’s post and noticed . . . well, let’s just say that I needed to be reminded that it’s not all in my head. Trauma is stored in the body. Today? Yeh, I feel better today simply because I can more fully feel at all. Yesterday it was all too much, a lead boot kinda thing, with the added boost of lead bracelets and collar.The personal trigger on Saturday was socially triggered. That’s all I will say about it here. But it only tripped one of my two prime triggers. Lucky me, right? I’m gonna include an excerpt from from my book, Theater of Clouds, here, to reveal the nature of my two prime triggers. If you want to participate in a little shameless self-promotion of my book click here. Now:

“As I write these words I am feeling the dreadful muck of feelings that weighed me down back then. There were only two viable options. One was that the imagined magical happening would free me from a lifeless life. The other was much easier to imagine. Some harm would come to me. Then I could die and get out of the life that had become so profoundly empty. A bus crash could do it for me. Or maybe I would be accosted by a criminal at some way station. Either way, death would be the outcome. But the bottom line was that either someone would strike at me, or some vehicle would go out of control, and that would be my end.”

Dammit, when I went to locate this quote in one PDF copy of my book, and highlight it, then do the control/C to copy thing, I got a rush of feelings again. Yeh, it’s healing, but that don’t make it hurt no less. I don’t know about you but when reading that excerpt I see how the two triggers relate to the terrorist attack murder of the young woman in Charlottesville on Saturday. If not, re-read the last sentence. That similarity tripped both triggers, which compounded the tripped trigger earlier in the day. I’m still shaky. That’ll last for a few days. That’s the way trauma work. Now, moving forward, before I wrap up and publish this post (I’m exhausted just from writing this) I want to thank my international readers. My readership in the US is small, and I know most of them meatspace. I’ve had visitors from the Philippines, Singapore, France, Italy, Germany, India, Russia, Great Britain, Ukraine, Canada, and Germany. The ones from the Philippines, Singapore, Ukraine, Great Britain, and Russia, have returned multiple times. The one from the Philippines is the most recent, having visited the past few days, and several times in the past. This tickles me to no end. Thank you, all of you. So, that being said, I am going out to watch the sunrise. The opening photo is from a few days ago. This morning’s clouds indicate that such glory and beauty will happen again today. Feeds the heart and soul, it does. That also is healing. Ciao.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

 

 

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