Hypervigilence and M. C. Escher


“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ~ Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy

“Do you not see how necessary a world of pains and troubles is to school an intelligence and make it a soul?”  ~ John Keats

“Face your life, its pain, its pleasure, leave no path untaken.” ~ Neil Gaiman

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”  ~ Erma Bombeck

It’s been hard getting to writing this post. I’ve been up most of the night with some gut pain stronger than I have felt in decades. It is easing now, toward dawn. So, what’s up with that? It’s messed up. For some reason the pain reminded me of the hypervigilence I live with most of the time: unfounded and unbridled. No, wait . . . I have learned to rein it in. I was exaggerating. My neurosurgeon, the cool guy who fused two cervical vertebrae, with the help of a nurse practitioner who was surgery certified, told me that I am hyperreactive, and boy howdy am I ever! My reflexes are a bit disturbing, but they give tangible benefits, so bearing the speed is not so bad. I wish I had time to write about Koko the teenaged ginger cat, but the upshot of the story is that I saved my boss’s parakeet by grabbing the poor cat, mid-air, around the ribcage. The bird was atop my head. The look on Koko’s face, I will never forget; he was like all dude. How’d you do that dude? Anyway . . . hypervigilence is one form of expression of PTSD. When the hypervigilence runs high for too long it’ll knot up your guts as if M. C. Escher himself was your gastroenterologist. Bingo! I have a dinner date with friends on Thanksgiving, and for reasons I will not share here I am in a pretty mucky trepidation flow. Poor me, right? No worries. Dinner will be fun. One must push through these mucky spaces if any kind of healing is to be accomplished.

Today’s opening photo is of Sunday’s sunrise. It was a doozy. Today’s has yet to happen, but I will go out to witness it. But first a shower. Hot water eases the pain of hypervigilence. That is why I linger in the shower for longer than I should. Then I will push my way out the door and into Taos for my day at work.

“Sunday sunrise shining through my window pane
Chasing away my cares with all the pouring rain
Sunday sunrise unfolding like a smile
Making me feel like a new born baby child.” ~ Anne Murray (“Sunday Sunrise”, performed by the amazing B. J. Thomas)

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.


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