Courtesy, Love, and Hidden Joy

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“Re-examine all you have been told. Dismiss what insults your soul.”  ~  Walt Whitman

“Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything’s failing? It’s because, um – they’re no longer relevant. We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?”  ~  Bill Hicks

“The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their oneness with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize at the center of the universe dwells the Great Spirit, and that its center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.”  ~ Black Elk

What is it with these people? That’s as far as I am . . . never mind. Sleep was good last night. I awoke with a dream hovering and lingering. No details. It’s the feelings that serve me. I’m all about the feelings. Facts are facts. It is the feelings that reveal what you will do with the facts. I came across a certain situation about a year ago, and somebody quoted to me that “attitude is more important than facts”. I called that statement “dark. Very dark”. It is the bully’s way. I’m right because I want to be right? You will submit, right? No . . . ummmm, I won’t. Anyway, last night’s dream was one of those that will be at my side throughout the day, and tidbits will become clear as the day progresses. Whew. We live in weird times. I could use a good dream in this era of nightmares. Now, going forward. I just had two days off. Usually, when I have two consecutive days off, which happens every week, I am without schedule or motivation. It’s my innate hermit drive bundled with unmanaged PTSD. I say unmanaged because when I get a case of the ‘fuck its’ I set management aside. This can bring on a world of shit, but it must be done. Ya jest gotta relax at times. It is good to keep in mind that I live in fear. There is always a chance that something will go ominously wrong and OMG what if I die. Well, I’m not afraid of death, so that leaves that out. I don’t know. I don’t wanna get all poor me and stuff here. Have a little faith, right? Yeh, believe it or not I do have faith. I just don’t go around saying it all the time, as if repetition proves you right. Was it Paul of Tarsus who said to pray in private? He’s got a point there. It’s the old ‘actions speak louder than words’ game, show, whatever. It’s not a point of righteousness. I don’t friggin care who knows or not that I have faith. Listen, I had a spiritual visionary experience(NDE) many years ago. It has never gone away. It never will. Many other peeps who had an NDE come out talking about the power of love. Ummm, okay, there is that. At this time, when needed changes be rumblin’ beneath my spiritual feet, the way I treat my beleaguered self requires love, mercy, and compassion. I have no lack of that. What I do lack is joy. There are several places where joy remains, however. Natural scenic stuff, dogs, cats, babies. Interactions with other people, not so much. There is no lack of love in any of those things, and that goes for the social difficulties as well. In fact, especially so. I think that is what Kurt Vonnegut had in mind when he suggested that courtesy succeeds where love often fails. NDEers also say to be a source of Light in the world. That too has its drawbacks, but it is where it’s at. I mean, right on, and all that other boomer stuff. Shit, I was getting into this post, but I have gone beyond the allotted writing time, so now my freshly washed hair will get frozen to my head, and I will end up with pneumonia, then my car won’t start in spite of the new battery I had to buy last week when my car wouldn’t start. Proof! Then I will get to work, then any number of things will go wrong, because I am out among people, and things happen when that happens. Things go wrong – and there are villains as well. But I do alright. I do my job well enough. I get along with most folks. I have a good time most of the time. Then I get back home, and before the first sigh of relief comes the silent “Not that again! Why do I do this to myself?”. Of course meeting ‘Miss Right’, or even ‘Miss Almost Right’ would bring joy to the surface. To the surface? WTF. See, there is joy deep inside. It is just painfully hesitant to poke its head out. It gets complicated, right? Right.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

 

 

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