“Clearly, all fear has an element of resistance and a leaning away from the moment. Its dynamic is not unlike that of strong desire except that fear leans backward into the last safe moment while desire leans forward toward the next possibility of satisfaction. Each lacks presence. ~ Stephen Levine
“Where your fear is, there is your task.” ~ Carl Jung
“There seems to be a thin, resilient, and self-healing shell between one’s spiritual awareness and that dense web of confusion and often distress that is life in the world of humans. You might poke through now and then, only to find it closing up immediately behind you again. Leaving you wondering if you had really just seen that. Or had it only been your imagination?” ~ Edward Fahey
The weather has been monotonous and my coffee cup has just run dry. The problem with the weather is drought. The problem with the coffee is that I have had enough caffeine but I desire more coffee. Do not even mention decaf, k? It sucks. It ain’t coffee. I’ll just have to do without. Poor me. Sigh. I’m in a somewhat cynical, snarky mood this morning. I could even go negative, but that is unlikely because I feel the lush current of magic running through the world. It is always there, here, whatever, but sometimes you just can’t consciously feel it. Magic is just that way. So, how did I come to feel it today? I can’t rightly say. Something about my intense life review in search of the hidden identity required to shift my life in an almost quantum way. Yeh, that, maybe. An intermittent yet pervasive feeling, not unlike that of being in love, but it is not the ‘in love’ thing because I am not. What the heck? Is there something that I don’t know? Let’s forego any analysis here. It feels good, and fulfilling, and it has home and hearth written all over it. That kind of value is hard to come by without magic. Speaking of magic, I had a powerful synchronicity earlier. I was reading an article about a woman that I know, who passed away several years ago. At one point there came a startling thump overhead as the house shifted from the intense cold outside. The thump was followed immediately by my Baby Ben alarm clock going off. There was barely a gap between the two sounds. I knew it was a sign from my deceased friend. Apparently she and I have something important to work on together. Yes, I know exactly what it is, but I ain’t tellin’. She will be fun to work with. And, as they say in some Appalachian dialects: it needs done. All said, today is laundry day. It has to be done because I set a new record for putting it off, and did so while still maintaining an agreeable and hygienic presence. The laundromat is not as sacred as it used to be, because the tiny, old Pueblo woman who worked there is gone. She quit a while back. But the task must be done. I will have to muster an air of questing if I am going to wrench myself out of the house to do it. It will take no less than that to get it done. I’m really into the search for hidden identity, which goes hand-in-hand with the major life change that is brewing in my inner cauldron. From romance, to laundry, to a visit from a spirit, tis a mysterious road I must walk today, and I so very much am looking forward to a nice afternoon nap. The virus I’d thought I’d beaten is having a little upswing today. I probably should have called in sick yesterday, but I felt okay at work. It was this morning that I discovered that the little beasties are still in me. No worries, right? Right. I should mention that the 34th anniversary of my head trauma/NDE falls next Saturday. That could explain the mysterious feeling that feels like being in love. Twas a goddess who helped me through that experience, and through the years of recovery and healing that was to follow. She remains, with me to this day. She also gives me hints and insights that have an air of clairvoyance to them. I always listen. It’s like, is there romance in my near future? How do I go about working with the spirit friend who visited this morning? I don’t no. I’d be willing to believe almost anything right now, an attitude that is likely connected to my faithful following of the political news. I mean, the president is capable of almost anything. But with him, I consciously choose to disengage my sense of shock and surprise. The fella thrives on that shit, and I ain’t feeding him, no way, no how. But in the personal matter I choose to enhance the sense of shock and surprise. It’s kinda sorta like that that thump this morning. It was just the house frame expanding or contracting, right? No. That’s not right. The thump gave the spirit, ghost, whatever, a vessel capable of reaching me, and the alarm clock was a way of telling me to “wake up, you silly nitwit”. I don’t mind being called a nitwit, being the Three Stooges fan that I am. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.