In a Wondrous Place

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“The conflict between the will to deny horrible events and the will to proclaim them aloud is the central dialectic of psychological trauma.”  ~ Judith Lewis Herman

“Even in times of trauma, we try to maintain a sense of normality until we no longer can. That, my friends, is called surviving. Not healing. We never become whole again … we are survivors. If you are here today… you are a survivor. But those of us who have made it thru hell and are still standing? We bare a different name: warriors.”  ~ Lori Godwin

“Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.”  ~ Danielle Burnock

Times like these are enough to make me curse like a bartender. Ha! I bet you think that to curse like a sailor would be a more appropriate choice of words. Nah. I disdain being a conformist. Listen, I am in the thick of a PTSD anxiety episode. It’s been five days now, and it was a silent attack. Like a silent heart attack: you don’t consciously know it at the time, you just feel like shit. I got pulled over by a rightly professional Taos County cop last Wednesday, when a meeting I was at ran an hour late. It was the right headlight, and I knew it was kaput. At one point I had to dig in my bag for the flashlight, because my insurance card fell out of the envelope when I pulled it out of the glove compartment. When the cop reached down and seemed to put his hand on his gun I stopped searching, then looked down and saw the card at last. He was courteous., and let me go with only a verbal warning. Nice. I never drive at night, so I was waiting to get the light replaced. The silent attack occurred when the cop reached for his gun. I admire his work, but geez mister it was just an equipment violation dude. Dude you and other cops like have and deserve my compassion, dude. Anyway . . . meds are kicking in and I gotta go to work. Cat fed and medicated. BTW, my house and dog sitting gig got extend two days, because my friends travel companion had an appendicitis attack, and after surgery had to wait two days to be cleared for the flight back from the New Orleans Jazz Festival. I’ve got two needy animals to look after and take care of, a job to go to for gainful employment. I took a long drive up to the Colorado border in search of wild hoses, yesterday. Dag nab it, I didn’t see any. But what a drive! I live in a wondrous place.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

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