Deep Feelings and Wild Horses

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“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.” ~ Mark Twain

“It is important not to suppress your feelings altogether when you are depressed. It is equally important to avoid terrible arguments or expressions of outrage. You should steer clear of emotionally damaging behavior. People forgive, but it is best not to stir things up to the point at which forgiveness is required. When you are depressed, you need the love of other people, and yet depression fosters actions that destroy that love. Depressed people often stick pins into their own life rafts. The conscious mind can intervene. One is not helpless.”  ~ Andrew Solomon

“It is what you read when you don’t have to that determines what you will be when you can’t help it.” ~ Oscar Wilde

With all of the valid uproar over the US border/child abuse it hard for me to get started with this post. My bad. I don’t actually want to write about the issue. It’s too sore for me. But I may do so anyway. In fact I will. These blog posts have no plan or outline. I just sit down and do it. Period. I never know what might come up, or out, whatever. One of the problems I have is that no single emotion stands out; none is stirred up more than any other. It’s all one trembling mass. No, fear is not one of them. That seems to have been transcended at some point. Basically, I made fear go sit in the corner. But I have not lost rationality. Good. It is indeed good to feel so intensely about this appalling issue. It is extremely rare for me to feel this deeply. About anything. My psyche meds usually keep things fairly steady. No, I am not the drugged robot that people seem to imagine is the only product of these drugs. I have no doubt that it is that way with many people. All I can say is that you have to use these drugs; you have to apply rationality and work with them. My former psychiatrist encouraged me to do so, but I suspect she is probably an exception to the rule. It’s in the way that you use it. The reason this comes up here for me is that I have no doubt that ICE is willing to administer some numbing drug to detained immigrants, if they are not already doing so. Put it in the water. Whatever it takes to make detainees oblivious to their plight. If they would stoop so low as to abuse children on a mass scale, to commit atrocities with the aim of forcing their agenda on all of us, they would resort to anything. But enough of that for now. I need a break from this, but only for a while. This is history in the making. This is evil incarnate. I feel compelled to follow the news as thoroughly as my mind and heart will allow. But today I think I will head north in search of wild horses. The prospect sounds so appealing, so profound, so poetic. So mythic. For the first 17 miles just north of the Colorado border they have open range land, and many of those yellow road signs that caution drivers that wild horses range along that highway. Last time I went up there I ended up at a dead stop in the highway (there is very little traffic on that road), surrounded by these beasts. There were six colts in that herd. It felt magical, and indeed it was. One other car was stopped there as well. The woman in that car had her face in a cell phone, snapping away. I suspect she was soon posting her photos on Facebook or some such. And me? I forgot my friggin camera, so I had to view the experience only with my eyes and heart. I’m taking my camera this time, but if it happens again (this was the second such encounter for me) I will make sure to keep my heart and eyes open while I snap away. The camera is equipped to connect with the internet but I have no desire to do so. It’s about the horses for me. Part of the totem, symbolic meaning of a horse in to set your spirit free. That’s what I will do. With our national freedom being slowly pared away, leaving open sores, I reckon we need as much free spirit as we can muster. That kind of thing starts at home. And I felt right at home with those horses.

Peace out, y’all.

 

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