“Waking consciousness is dreaming – but dreaming constrained by external reality” ~ Oliver Sachs
“We have been to the moon, we have charted the depths of the ocean and the heart of the atom, but we have a fear of looking inward to ourselves because we sense that is where all the contradictions flow together.” ~ Terence McKenna
“Consciousness cannot be accounted for in physical terms. For consciousness is absolutely fundamental. It cannot be accounted for in terms of anything else.” ~
Yesterday I was pretty much attached at the hip with the king-size heating pad – or, more accurately, at the shoulder. My massage therapist explained how my permanently dislocated left shoulder is compensated for by changes in the positioning of the right hip, to balance out the injury. That is one prime benefit from her work: the aching in my right hip is no longer chronic. The shoulder? Not so much. I still favor the hip, but I am constantly trying to hold awareness in improving my beleaguered posture. It’s been good for both hip and shoulder. This presents a big challenge, one that my fellow career cashiers would understand, due to the predictable attrition in our bodies as we work. I have the additional challenge of endeavoring to loosen up the friggin postures that the PTSD creates in order to defend me against a hostile world. Not that the world is inherently hostile. It’s just the PTSD doing what it is designed to do, which is often a way of telling me to get the hell out of Dodge before I am accosted by orcs or demons or other monsters (Have you ever been to Dodge City? It literally smells of bullshit!). Dang! If Gollum shows up, I’m in deep doo doo, my precious. Wish me luck. This is what that pharmaceutical is for – to keep me from pouncing on one of those phantoms. The other pharmaceutical does something else, although chemists originally designed the drug to combat nerve pain in diabetics. The drug – both of them, actually . . . . they are classified as antispasmodics. I had a mild seizure 3.5 years ago. The drugs guard against another, although that was not the original intention of the lovely doctor lady, the psychiatrist; the neurologist approved of the drug cocktail, because it fit with his intention as well. She listened to me for an hour, the first visit/evaluation. Then she designed a path out of the darker spaces I inhabited at the time; a collaborative effort between PTSD and bipolar type two. It worked remarkably well. And when I got my card, and added Indica to the mix, it all improved, once again. Lucky me. I deeply love my former doctor. We connected on a soul level, and she knows it too. We are friends now. We’ve talked about it on a spiritual level. Just as there is karma, there is also healing. Healing is not something that happens then goes away. It is a Neverending story of growth. Healing is like that.
I just stepped outside to behold the lavender shadows in the pre-dawn hues. There is a bit of agoraphobia. I’ll deal. But I do not know why I got on this faux-griping. Consciousness is constrained by this stuff. That’s all. Just sayin’. Geez, I’d better go pick up the razor and then have a shower. Bueno bye.
Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.