There Is That


“The moon does not fight. It attacks no one. It does not worry. It does not try to crush others. It keeps to its course, but by its very nature, it gently influences. What other body could pull an entire ocean from shore to shore? The moon is faithful to its nature and its power is never diminished.” ~ Deng Ming-Dao

She sat down and pulled her necklace out of her shirt. “I read about it in my mother’s journal. The Witches believe we are all parts of a whole. Like the phases of the moon. Together, we complete the circle and bring balance.” ~ Amber Argyle

“We all shine on…like the moon and the stars and the sun…we all shine on…come on and on and on…” ~ John Lennon

The coffee is perfect, the moon is just past full. A short while ago a small gathering of coyotes were howling just up and over the hill. The call of the wild is something that keeps me softer in this world. The inner call, the whispering of DNA, and maybe endogenous DMT, is softer, yet perhaps too personal to be open to expression through words. The actual call of the wild, like them crazy coyotes a while ago, can call up an instinctual, visceral feeling, maybe chills across the skin, or the rising, expanding feeling as the adrenals kick in. For me this feeling evokes translingual wonder that is much like the feeling of falling in love . . . not that I have actually done that in the recent past. But I remember. You don’t forget stuff like that, yet some not-tiny part of me hopes that will never happen again from this point and place in time forward. In essence, what I am trying to refer to here is a sense of wonder that occurs on a level where it doesn’t matter if the adrenaline rush comes from fear or from love. I always feel some degree of fear. I’m a scaredy cat. All my waking hours. Management skills in regards to PTSD keep – so to speak – that ‘demon’ on a leash, or at least sleeping in the laundry room, or on the couch or something. But love? There was that time a coupla years back when I thought that I was falling in love. I reckon I don’t rightly know one way or the other. The feelings were commandeered so swiftly, by analysis and worry, that who the heck knows for sure. I look back on it now and it feels as if the falling in love thing was at least nascent, rather than theoretical, and it was all entangled within a web of practical matters. One needs practical magic at a time like that. Which is likely what I did, I likely basked in the feeling rather than trying to figure out what to do next. Chuckling here. I heard John Lennon’s “Instant Karma” the other day. I’ve driven for years without a functional radio in the car. About two months ago I purchased a little MP3 player that has FM radio built in. Because of what I suspect is a crappy antennae only one station comes in clearly, and that happens to be a pure rock station. Funny, I’ve actually been listening to tunes I never would have listened to before. Go figure, right?

This morning’s rambling is coming to a close. The essence of what I have been seeking to convey is that anxiety can also be seen as the Life Force stuck in the ‘fear’ setting. Fear of the unknown is hard-wired, me thinks. The joy comes when the fear is transcended, for however long. Perhaps I did fall in love that time. I have my doubts but I still to this day feel the wonder. There is that.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

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