Managing the Monster

“Burnout is nature’s way of telling you, you’ve been going through the motions your soul has departed; you’re a zombie, a member of the walking dead, a sleepwalker. False optimism is like administrating stimulants to an exhausted nervous system.”  ~ Sam Keen

“It is human nature to invent reasons for why the mind shatters, hope plummets, or the will to live dies. Scientific explanations are complicated and, for many, less humanly satisfying than visionary or religious ones. ~  Kay Redfield Jamison

“So instead of giving in to despair I chose active melancholy, in so far as I was capable of activity, in other words I chose the kind of melancholy that hopes, that strives and that seeks, in preference to the melancholy that despairs numbly and in distress.”  ~ Vincent Van Gogh

Once in a while I like to write about depression, which is something I kinda wrestle with most every day. Sometimes it does like steroids or something, and it goes all 24/7 on me for much too long a spell. No worries here, please. I’ve been fielding some pretty severe depression for a while now. I’ve been successful at managing this spell . . . well, let’s say that I’m about 75% successful. That’s good, right? Yeh buddy. This has been one of those spells where fear dresses up as apathy. That’s a tough one indeed. Where suppressed emotions dress up like shyness. A little tougher. Where natural human drives and desires dress up like languid cat on a window seat. Oh, man, I have to admit that last one is the kicker. And it keeps on kicking until you step back inside, close the front door, then take a nap, which doesn’t help much. Sigh. It has taken me years to learn to manage this monster of a mental disorder. That management in no way stops these things from being, from happening. You may as well try and catch the wind. But most importantly management allows me to sing and laugh and smile at pretty women just because.

I just stepped outside for a few minutes. It’s a balmy 22º. No wind. The snow on the deck has not melted much at all. It may not do so for quite some time to come. Whatever. It’s a workday. I don’t wanna go but I’ll have fun. No one will know I have an active depressive cycle going on. Unless I tell. Then what? I don’t know. Whatever. Then the weekend off. Don’t know what that will bring. No worries. Listen, I’d like this post to be longer, but I gotta go. One of these days I’ll roll out a longer post. Not today.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

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