The Waves of Hazy Expectations

Shelter Life


“When the brain becomes too tired, the mind stops decrypting the perceptions in our mental world and surrenders willingly to the unguarded moments of life. For some time, the safeguards of our thinking pattern weaken and discontinue the decoding of the chips of daily reality. The mind picks the instants which are above suspicion, pure and innocent.”  ~  Erik Pevernagie 

“Do not deny the classical approach, simply as a reaction, or you will have created another pattern and trapped yourself there.”  ~  Bruce Lee

“If we make a fly-on-the-wall review of our history and connect the significant scenarios from our memory, we can develop a comprehensive pattern of our identity that throws a whirl of light on the secreted framework of our life.”  ~  Erik Pevernagie

Lingering in the moment, trying to determine which particular ‘today’ it is. I mean, it’s 2 AM, so I am not really certain that “today'”  even applies yet; at least not for another couple of hours, and by then, who knows, and what does it matter; I’ll be a different person by then, and by necessity, ’cause I gotta go into town, to my day job. 

“The perpetual movement of the water, rolling from and to unknown destinations, the voices of the sea shield us from the raging furies and shrieking sounds of dystopian surroundings, creating an unwinding veil for stilled happiness, acquainting us with the gentle, cosmic rhythms of an extraneous world. They are a soothing relief and let us listen to the voices of our inner world.”  ~  Erik Pevernagie

I remember sitting on a boulder of fossilized coral, looking out over the still ocean, over the mud flats, rising up on Prozac; the Florida Straits out beyond the shallows, just beginning to glisten, as the Sun gets up there into the sky. It was day 10 on a new regimen of daily Prozac. It was working, and on that particular morning the effects were kicking fully into gear. Washed in tears, I was experiencing one of the most profound feelings of Oneness I have known. An episode of deep unfathomable Darkness was in the recent past, and in facing it head-on, through seeking help, then listening, and by following the guidance, I had come to be sitting on that boulder. I don’t think the docs intended Cosmic Unity as a desired effect of treatment. You can’t push your way into a state of Grace, ya gotta be pulled in. But Doctor Baur, and Doctor Pruitt, had helped me open up a door that would no longer budge. But then it did. Dr. P wrote out the prescription for the SSRI drug because Dr. Baur’s doctorate was in Human Growth and Development. She was my therapist. Dr. Pruitt, my general practitioner. They got on the phone and yakked and came up with a plan. Father Edward, of the Key Largo Parish, also helped. Friggin Shadow had closed in on me most unexpectedly. See, I’d been following a woman, and she led me down the Shadow’s path. Cher was the sexiest woman I have ever met. Sweet Atlanta-tinged Southern accent as well. And boy howdy she was highly intelligent to boot. Long story short, I fell, in several ways, and ended up in that pit of Darkness. I likely I never would have done it without Cher’s help.  Cher, Dr. Baur, Dr. Daryl . . . it all just kinda fell together. Then I ended up in Dr. Bauer’s office, and she came to compare me to a former patient of her’s who happened to have once been Chief of his tribe. Dr. Bauer explained, the Chief and I were living on an archetypal level. Did I mention that Dr. Baur’s Doctorate thesis was on “Flow State”? Anyway, it all had flowed together, and I ended up sitting on that boulder. At the moment I think I’ll step away from the computer and go outside for a few minutes. There’s a storm coming so maybe it will snow. Fresh snow on the west slopes of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains is pretty much as good as the Florida Straits when it comes to getting all cozy and stuff with just Being. It’s the dark time of the year. A state of rest within the natural cycle of the year, within the season, can also be a state of play. That’s what I’m sayin’.

“People live on the flow of the daily reality and they surge on the waves of hazy expectations. They can experience pleasant junctures and try to catch and enjoy each special moment that is offered to them. Until life takes them by surprise.”  ~  Erik Pevernagie 

The wind is beginning to pick up now. I have my hopes up. I’ll admit to that. Snow. Bring it on. There is more that I desire from the day, but how the heck do I know that some chance may arise to fulfill those hazy desires. I expect too much. So I let the desires flow on up to the next level, to flow on up into the airy realms of Longing. After work today I have the whole weekend off. They say it might snow. Regardless, it is hibernation season. And I have some Ulner nerve issues goin’ on. Gotta keep my right arm kinda still for the next coupla days. It friggin hurts! But there has been a lot of seemingly Karmic stuff going on for me so I can use the pain to keep me grounded while I begin to process. That and snow will suit me just fine. It’s a State of Play.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

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