“For our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship and love: These are complex and hard-earned capacities. You don’t need a history of trauma to feel self-conscious and even panicked at a party with strangers – but trauma can turn the whole world into a gathering of aliens.” ~ Bessel A. van der Kolk
“If you can’t tell your story to another human, find another way: journal, paint, make your grief into a graphic novel with a very dark storyline. Or go out to the woods and tell the trees. It is an immense relief to be able to tell your story without someone trying to fix it. The trees will not ask, “How are you really?” and the wind doesn’t care if you cry.” ~ Megan Devine
“But trauma is all pervasive. It does not go away. It continues to reassert itself as life unfolds.” ~ Mark Epstein, M.D.
Second week of May and there is snow on the ground. About an inch. At 4 AM. A delightful surprise. The snow may very well see me off to sleep. Check out that last quote. Trauma is reasserting itself this morning. My head is hanging heavy in so many ways. My torso is one big ugh. As usual, I will go all surfer and ride it out. To deal with the immeasurable weight I am visualizing it as a compression blanket. It’s a good strategy in that it works. But it likely will require feeding the cat early and then give in to the siren call of a nap. One must makes sacrifices at times. PTSD is a form of time travel and/or an expression of quantum entanglement. The event in the past sure enough happened. The connection between then and now is proving itself to me. The event in the past happened for a reason but darned if I know what it is. At the moment, trauma or not I am going out to look at the snow. It’s early May and there is friggin snow on the ground! I love it. Sometimes I forget where I am.
Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.