Deep Processes and Micro-triggers

“Trauma, which is stored differently in the brain than memory, seeps out of us as warnings of worse to come.” ~ Anne Lamott

“All of the diagnoses that you deal with – depression, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar illness, post traumatic stress disorder, even psychosis, are significantly rooted in trauma. They are manifestations of trauma. Therefore the diagnoses don’t explain anything. The problem in the medical world is that we diagnose somebody and we think that is the explanation. He’s behaving that way because he is psychotic. She’s behaving that way because she has ADHD. Nobody has ADHD, nobody has psychosis – these are processes within the individual. It’s not a thing that you have. This is a process that expresses your life experience. It has meaning in every single case.” ~ Gabor Mate

Cold November Monday morning. Second cup of coffee consumed to completion. Lap cat. I’ve got a lot of involuntary wincing going on this morning. Active trauma, triggering through “micro-triggers”. A day like this is usually exhausting yet doable. As it is a workday, this activity cranks out trepidation. Poor me, right? We are supposed to take a positive and proactive approach to life – so they say. Yeh, I can do that. But it in no way diminishes what is going on in these deep processes. These are not mental aberrations, nor are they simply bad attitude. Sigh. I feel a heaviness that is not supported by the evidence at hand. Ain’t nothin’ wrong, dude. So chill. This is a physical thing. A physical process that has not a lot to say for itself. Hey, it’s Monday. Thanksgiving Day is Thursday. I’ll be dining with friends, then come home to feed the cat, then hang out as simply two mammals, until I have enough good sense to crawl into bed and get at least adequate sleep. I feel depressed today. I could blame it on Seasonal Affective Disorder. I lay that one squarely on Edison and his light bulb. But there is simply no need to actually lay blame or seek any level of explanations at all. It’s Monday morning and it is time for me to do the morning clean and groom thing, then head on down into Taos for the workday. There I go.

All is well. Goof gloriously.

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