The Secret of Window Gawking

“Hearts may break, but hearts are the toughest of muscles, able to pump for a lifetime, seventy times a minute, and scarcely falter along the way. Even dreams, the most delicate and intangible of things, can prove remarkably difficult to kill.” ~ Neil Gaiman

“One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” ~ Sigmund Freud

“Real intimacy is a sacred experience. It never exposes its secret trust and belonging to the voyeuristic eye of a neon culture. Real intimacy is of the soul, and the soul is reserved.” ~ John O’Donohue

A swirling of snow, a morning of aches. I missed posting yesterday because of a little pain I had lingering. The previous afternoon, what is usually a nap of an hour or two stretched out to 6.5 hours. I’d just turned off the alarm and went right back to sleep. The cat woke me at 9 PM, unfed, and surprisingly mellow about my failure of duty. Within 15 minutes of waking up, my shoulders, neck, and spine, began to hurt. The pain increased quickly, until it became nearly excruciating; painful enough that I had uncontrollable moaning going on for a while. I’d also missed taking my meds so I took them and continued moaning. Nearly three hours later I finally started to doze off; climbed into bed and slept another four hours. I was wrung out when I woke up, yet I was able to complete my work shift without much trouble. I’m feeling the pain again this morning, but not like it was – it had topped out at 8, on a scale of 0-10. But enough of that. It’s been snowing some overnight, maybe an inch or two, nothing serious. It’s a work day. Coffee gone, cat asleep. Sloppy typing. And the constant struggle with tenacious tinnitus. Something came to me this morning as I hunkered down on the door stoop (such as it is) having a smoke. It clearly was spurred by memories of the work shift, during which I had found myself, on numerous occasions, just gazing out the window with my attention turned inward. It reminded me of something the principal at my junior high school had said to a few of us during study hall. “Get back to work! No window gawking!”. Now that is a rich phrase. And that reminded me of the late great George Carlin, who said “If you find your kid standing, staring out the window, leave ’em the fuck alone. They are just daydreaming. You might want to try that yourself. It might do you some good”. Paraphrased, but true to the original. So much to do, so little time. Right? We are too busy, folks, and move too fast in trying to make it all work. Make of that what you will. Just sayin’. Now, I’m going to take this aching body out to the car to see what level of snow or frost I have to deal with before heading to work. Ciao.

All is well. Goof gloriously.

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