A Day of Palliation

“Chaos is merely order waiting to be deciphered.” ~ José Saramago

“I saw in details while she saw in scope. Not seeing the scope is why I am here and she is not. I took each element separately and never looked to see that they never did fit together properly” ~ Erin Morgenstern

“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro’ narrow chinks of his cavern.” ~ William Blake

Feeling dull this morning, and that’s just the way I want it. Not all day long, just right now. Stress, tension. Depleted energy, on the way back up. Sunday was a day from hell. Hellish things did not happen that day, but it was recovery day from something rather hellish that happened on my way home from work the previous day. I will spare you the details, no permanent damage was done. But it triggered a panic attack. I ended up sitting as still as possible all day, feeling as safe as possible in knowing the irrationality that had consumed me was a passing thing. I had slept 14-15 hours the night before but did not feel at all rested or clear. Why would I, right? I have PTSD. When a spell like that hits me I have to just ride it out by finding as much palliation as I can, to get me through. Today is Tuesday, and the journey through is not yet complete. That’s why I feel dull. That’s why I want it this way. Today is Tuesday and I must go to work, having called in sick the day before.

“Sunday’s on the phone to Monday, Tuesday’s on the phone to me” ~ The Beatles

All that aside . . . one of the means of palliation is to seek the magic in a situation, and try to see it as other than dark magic. Not much success with that, but I did find it on Monday, in one of those synchronicities that are a profound reminder that Space and Time are not all there is. That’s right, there’s more. I’m not whining here, so I hope it doesn’t sound like I am doing that thing. A nice hot shower should perk me up enough to walk through the door at work standing tall. Amidst the stunning feelings I have found a smile again. Good on me.

All is well. Goof gloriously.

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