Something in the Way She Moved

“Respect the delicate ecology of your delusions.” ~ Tony Kushner

“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away… and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast…. be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust…. and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

More sleepy than anything. Yawn. Yesterday was an oddball day. Not to be disparaging of odd things. Nearly half of all numbers are odd. That says a lot. It would be easy to go all philosophical and stuff today. To spend all day in that drifty space. To further the pale spate of rest I have been cultivating since last Wednesday, when … geez, I don’t remember that day being any more restful than any other . . . but it was. Rest is what happens when you think you are not having fun. How hard is it to sit still? If I let loose fully it is inevitable that my foot wags, sometimes furiously. It doesn’t matter which foot – it’s one or the other. For the longest time I believed that I could not truly rest until that foot became still as well. My father’s feet were like that. That says a lot. Today is a workday. I’ve got a big decision looming over me. That alone will provide impetus to get me through the day. The decision, when it reaches fruition, will be life-changing. For some reason it reminds me of that old logic puzzle from Raymond Smullyan. You are on an island. There are two villages ahead of you as you walk along the path. One is a village of liars and the other is a village of truth-tellers. You come to a fork in the road, and find a man standing there. You tell him you seek the village of truth. Silently, he points down one of the two new paths. But you suddenly realize that you don’t know which village he is from. Is he telling the truth? Sending you down the right path? Or is he a liar, sending you down the wrong path? It makes my head spin just thinking about it. At such times, when the spinning begins, I usually fall back on the old Luke Skywalker bit. (Has it really been over forty years since Luke and Leah made their debut?!!) I am referring to Luke’s solo attack to bring down the Deathstar. Using a technique he developed hunting rats on his home planet he plunges into the Deathstar. At one point, when things got really hairy, a vision of Obi Wan Kenobi comes to him from the Great Beyond, telling Luke to let go and use The Force. That’s me today. That has been a favorite metaphor for a long time. I first got it back in 1987, after reading about how the character of Luke Skywalker was actually modeled on Joseph Campbell’s notion of “the Hero’s Journey”. As for the two paths, I don’t rightly know which one to choose, but I reckon that either one will do, and I like one better than the other, so might as well take that one, right? Yeh. It’s like my wagging feet in that either one will do. But dag nab it I’ve got a woman on my mind, someone who is often on my mind. I saw her yesterday in the flesh. Something she did, a certain way she moved when I asked her a simple sociable question, has been haunting me since. I don’t know, maybe that’s why I didn’t sleep well or long enough last night? Nah, this haunting is of the good kind, right on the edge of poetics and heroics and stoics and noetics. Is that obscure? You can tell a lot about someone from watching how they move. I like the way she moved. I’d love to see her do it again. That’s it in a nutshell. Now, I’d best get ready for work. Onward.

All is well. Goof gloriously.

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