If Only For a While

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“Tomorrow belongs to those who can hear it coming”  ~ David Bowie

“We have no idea, now, of who or what the inhabitants of our future might be. In that sense, we have no future. Not in the sense that our grandparents had a future, or thought they did. Fully imagined cultural futures were the luxury of another day, one in which ‘now’ was of some greater duration. For us, of course, things can change so abruptly, so violently, so profoundly, that futures like our grandparents’ have insufficient ‘now’ to stand on. We have no future because our present is too volatile. We have only risk management. The spinning of the given moment’s scenarios. Pattern recognition” ~ William Gibson

This is a short one today. Stuff to do before work. Stuff already done that needed doing. It’s been a long depressive down period for me since Thursday last week. Doing practical things when I feel like this, like enrolling for healthcare last Sunday, are a slog, with a slow rolling sense of panic beneath, which is fueled by the nagging, and essentially useless, question or two, “What if I’m too late?!”, or “What if I get it wrong?!”, or “What if somebody comes to get me?!”, stuff like that. Regardless of my attitude in approaching tasks at times like these the panic remains. That’s the point. That’s the PTSD. It’s hard to feel like an adult at such times. I just want it to stop, to go away, or to end. It doesn’t – none of those things happen, and maybe they never will. Sigh. If you think that I am a pessimist at times like these, that a little positive thinking might help, you may be right, but it doesn’t matter. Even if such an attitude will help, I can’t feel it. It just feels hollow instead. Faith and hope are much the same. But they do often work. That, I will admit. So, that said, I’d best get to my task while I still have time. Maybe I’ll see that pretty smile today. If not that, something else will snap me out of this funk, even if only for a while.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

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Swirling Feathers at the Door

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“Humor can get in under the door while seriousness is still fumbling at the handle.” ~ G. K. Chesterton

“To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.” ~ Bill Watterson

“Before you become too entranced with gorgeous gadgets and mesmerizing video displays, let me remind you that information is not knowledge, knowledge is not wisdom, and wisdom is not foresight. Each grows out of the other, and we need them all.” ~ Arthur C. Clarke

There are feathers swirling around outside my door. Once in a while one takes to the air, as if to impress me, but it is still a feather. Chickens don’tcha know. I am not fooled that easily. It’s a beautiful sight. And there’s a heatwave as well. It’s 36º. Wow. It’s a perceptual perspective thing, as I’m sure we all know full well. In about an hour the Sun will be cresting the ridge to the right of Pueblo Canyon. The sky is flat gray, no stars, so the Sun will meet with resistance if it has any plans on shining upon the valley floor. It will shine anyway, muted. That says a lot about my mood this morning. I woke up paranoid. It’s the bruja again. I don’t often see her anymore, so it just pisses me off when I do. But paranoia is something I wrestle with on a continual basis so maybe it’s just me. I’m also in a depressive spell – so maybe it’s just me. And then I remember it’s not all about me. And then I remember that rationality is the best defense against all of this brouhaha. Now, moving forward . . . it’s laundry day, then psychotherapy at noon. I’m a little worried that my new health insurance plan will not cover the therapy, but the plan is so much better, more suitable to my needs, than any of the other plans offered that I would be daft to pass it by. Universal health care is the answer, of course, but that’s gotta wait until those pasty white lawmakers stop piddling around with the well-being of the population. I will soon have Obama Care, so you guys need to leave it the fuck alone. I’ll hafta pay for the therapy out of my own pocket if it is not covered. I’m not saying that I’ll be eating bologna, it’s not that bad. I could probably go with Boars Head instead of Oscar Meyer. Nah, it’ll just delay my getting a medical marijuana card. I’ve decided to go for it. I qualify for the card due to three different medical conditions. Would it improve quality of life for me? Like duh. Just imagine sitting there watching paranoia and going “ain’t that just the quaintest thing” instead  of . . . I don’t know. It’s just good for me to feel a little more easy with life. Lowered stress makes for a happier heart. And any fool who happens to want to gossip about it will be left to deal with their own bologna. Friggin nitwits. At the moment I need to go medicate the cat.


It’s about time to go out to watch the sunrise, if it decides to make a showing, that is. I’m feeling deeply passionate this morning. Don’t know why. It’s not because of the woman who has been on my mind lately. That much I know for sure. But, I think I’ll just enjoy it and leave it be, as a mystery.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

 

Inhabit Your Life

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“When you touch the celestial in your heart, you will realize that the beauty of your soul is so pure, so vast and so devastating that you have no option but to merge with it. You have no option but to feel the rhythm of the universe in the rhythm of your heart.”  ~ Amit Ray

“A hidden spark of the dream sleeps 
In the forest and waits 
In the celestial spheres of the brain.” ~ Dejan Stojanovic

“Honor women! They strew celestial roses on the pathway of our terrestrial life.”  ~  Pierre-Claude-Victor Boiste

In habit your life. That’s what I say. At least that’s what I’m doing at the moment. Rosie the cat is a warm, assuring life form on my lap. The coffee is a hot, assuring liquid on my desk. That’s pretty good, if you ask me. I have a job to go to in three hours. There I sell hardware, housewares, garden supplies, and a few more products that just might surprise you. You can’t beat it. The diversity in that little store is a pleasure. Everyone needs this stuff sooner or later. We have Anglos, Spanish, and Tiwa folks pass through; coexisting peoples in a search for stuff. For a white boy who grew up in the suburbs of St. Louis it thrills me to be there; a source of wonder. This boy in me is warmly amazed; I mean real Indians? Boy howdy you got that right. But not only that, they are a people who emerged from another world, before time began. That’s pretty darned cool, if you ask me. It don’t get no better than that.


I am also the young man who laid on his back on the roof of his house on Lower Matecumbe Key, watching the stars. And I am also the young man who died and came back in the same year that Steve Jobs provided the world with the MacIntosh. I saw wonders while I was dead, and I’ve spent the past 33 years trying to get some sleep. It woke me up to behold those, these, whatever, wonders. I don’t know what to tell you. This world is an in-between place. There is the underworld, where the ancient Greeks said the Goddess lives, and taught the lucky few, and there is the celestial realm, where time stands nearly still, where the colors are unbelievably bright, where the world creates itself perpetually.


At the moment it’s back to the cat and coffee. Back to the day job and the day off tomorrow. I slept pretty good last night, is spite of anxiety dreams that messed up my hair from my thrashing about. It is a different kind of sleep that I have been lacking these past many years. In that celestial realm I saw thing that were so darned brilliant, so saturated with eminence, that I recoiled and sought to hide from them. I hasn’t been working so good. This in-between world ain’t what you’d call all peaches and cream. It’s a rough place, but we all are here to learn, learn that it’s all about love and truth, which may be the same thing. Sigh. I wasn’t meant to go back to sleep, I was meant to be here now. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m a writer and I came to tell you about this stuff and that place. I work in a hardware store and that’s a pretty good place to be. My recommendation says only one thing: inhabit your life. Now, at the moment I gotta get my assets in gear and get ready for work. Ya know what? It bears repeating: inhabit your life. That’s what I do, that’s what I recommend. Namaste.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

No Pressing Need to Wonder

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“Everything is determined, the beginning as well as the end, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect, as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.”  ~ Albert Einstein

“After all, is it not the way we humans shape the universe, shape time itself? Do we not take the raw stuff of chaos and impose a beginning, middle, and end on it, like the simplest and most profound of folktales, to reflect the shapes of our own tiny lives? And if the physicists are right, that the physical world changes as it is observed, and we are its only known observers, then might we not be bending the entire chaotic universe, the eternal, ever-active Now, to fit that familiar form?”  ~ Tad Williams

Distracted by the disturbing nature of the national political scene, I am still tempted to pull a no-show here this morning. I decided not to, although I really don’t know what to write about. It’s been a seriously up and down few days, but none of it too worthy of concern, which means that mostly I am just tired. Yeh, the puffy-eyed big sigh kind of tired. At least Rosie the cat is in a good mood. Let’s see, I could ponder what the heck is up with tinnitus. But scientist don’t know either. I could just as well ponder the meaning of life, and that as well is up in the air. Just on a lark I googled tinnitus and found that one currently popular treatment is tricyclic anti-depressants. Soooo . . . I think I’ll just leave that one alone. I’ve been depressive for many years. No wonder my ears ring? I mean, really? All told, there is no pressing need to wonder about such things when today, with the special election in Alabama, political observation should be highly entertaining, and . . . There’s a lot of deep do-do to be had these days. Sigh.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

My Little HMO Adventure

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“So much is happening now; you must be patient like someone who is sick, and confident like someone who is recovering; for perhaps you are both. And more: you are also the doctor, who has to watch over himself. But in every sickness there are many days when the doctor can do nothing but wait. And that is what you, insofar as you are your own doctor, must now do, more than
anything else.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

“Every age, and especially our own, stands in need of a Diogenes; but the difficulty is in finding men who have the courage to be one, and men who have the patience to endure one.” ~ Jean-Baptiste le Rond d’Alembert

“Out of clutter, find simplicity.” ~ Albert Einstein

Slow start, and it’s okay. Deep cold again, the morning moves through darkness, under a sky that seems to hold the stars only as an afterthought. The main feature of my habitual visits outside, where I really should not go, but I do, and why not? Wait a minute, that was a really bad sentence. My bad. That’s what I say: own it. What I was going to say is that the only memorable feature of this morning was when a car moved along the road headed up onto the mesa. There are almost never cars going up or down that road at this time of day. It was the sound that brought me alert out of a nice little reverie. The sound of crushing rocks under car tires. My dad usta sometimes say “What, do you have rocks in your head?”. Well, dad, I do now. I find myself in a state of both giddiness and mental exhaustion. It was my perusing the HealthCare.gov yesterday morning that did it to me. About four hours of pointed focus and my brain got tired, and not only that, I also got the job done. I am pleasantly surprised. I musta been listening to them Republican, conservative, whatever, fellas and I’m like all dude it ain’t that hard, and no, you friggin dishonest little petty tyrants, it ain’t gonna ruin my life, nor that of the nation. What, do you have rocks in your head? Let’s not go there, k? The most interesting thing about the whole mental journey was a guy, Greg Mackenzie. Early on in my healthcare insurance search I first tried the company that provides my automobile insurance, on the slim chance that maybe I could get a bundled rate. No go on that. When I got to the ACA page on their website, up comes a prompt that told me that a fella by that name would be contacting me shortly. Yeh, right. I didn’t need no stinkin’ guy to help me out. I blew it off and went to the HealthCare.gov website, to dive in and git ‘er done. It turned out to be much easier than I expected. When the available plans came up on the monitor, screen, whatever, I began to carefully and methodically read all the pertinent details. Luckily I have an innate ability to kinda sorta picture numbers and stuff in my head (along with the rocks). I can take in data then lay it out in virtual, conceptual graphs, that help me to weigh what it is I am looking at. I found one plan that weighed just about right – not too big, not too small, just right. Now, yer probly thinkin’ I fancy myself to be friggin Goldilocks or something. Nope. I ain’t too fond of bears. So there! By that time, having found a potential plan, my head and neck were achin’ like the bejeezes, so I opted to lay it all aside and think about it later. That’s when Greg called. He called twice, and left messages both times. So I decided to call him and thank him for his consideration and perseverance.  We turned out talking for maybe 20-30 minutes, during which he answered a few questions that were biting at my ankles. Turns out he ended up recommending the very plan I’d nearly settled on. He commended me on my excellent research, like it was some sorta freakish thing for somebody to figure it out on their own. Whatever. Reaching the end of the conversation I told him “Thanks dude yer awesome!”. He laughed. But he was, and he said to call him anytime if I have any more questions. Likely I will. Anyway, job done, though there’s the matter of psychotherapy to attend to. It sounds like it will be covered, but he couldn’t say for sure, from the data he held before him. Yeh, I went ahead and enrolled right after we ended the call. My psych meds were the #1 priority, and I’ll pay only five bucks a pop for those. So, moving forward here, it’s time to prep for work. Alls I kin say at this point is thanks, Greg, yer awesome dude.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

The Tale of the Missing Money

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“A sense of humor is just common sense dancing.” ~ William James

“Each of us is an artist of our days; the greater our integrity and awareness, the more original and creative our time will become.” ~ John O’Donohue

“We have grown literally afraid to be poor. We despise anyone who elects to be poor in order to simplify and save his inner life. If he does not join the general scramble and pant with the money-making street, we deem him spiritless and lacking in ambition”  ~ William James

“Shake it off” ~ Taylor Swift

It’s been a rough few days. I know, I know – it’s not rough, it’s about choices and attitude, and I create my own reality. Whatever. As I reported in yesterday’s blog post, Friday was a weird day. This morning I realize that it was also a bad day. I spent most of the day in town, running here and there. The one, most obvious, good thing about the day was that my dirty laundry came clean. On the flip side, the bank misplaced about $500 that I had deposited on Monday. I was sitting in my car at the Eco Park, waiting for the insurance agent to call, and I decided to call the bank’s auto-teller phone banking system to check my balance, so that I could do a little rough budgeting while I waited. I can’t rightly say how I felt when I heard to robo-fella on the line report that my balance was much lower than it should have been. Call it shock. That’s the best I could do. So I cranked up the car and drove over to the bank’s main branch. There, I explained to the teller what had happened and she did some stuff to track down the glitch; then she called the manager at the branch where I had made the deposit. That call led to her telling me they’d track it down and the manager at the other branch would call me when she figured it out. Yes, I had the deposit receipt. By that time I was exasperated with being in town for hours, and now I was waiting for two calls, and I was $500 short. I had pretty much called a truce with myself at that point. I had to, because my state of general WTF had grown into a state of full blown fuck it. I decided to drive home, some 20 minutes from where I was in town. So, to assuage the stress of the day I stopped by the convenience store to purchase a couple of pints of ale. I grabbed them from the cooler and started toward the checkout counter. My phone rang. I set down the pints and answered, but the signal was obviously not good, and I could barely hear the caller. Frustrated I told them to hold on while I walked to the front of the store, where I ended up standing by the ATM, where I found a barely adequate signal. It was the bank manager. She’d found my money in somebody else’s account! I asked her if she had put it back where it belonged. Yup, she did. There is something remotely ironic about getting that news while standing next to the ATM. I don’t know what it all means. Now, moving forward, I have today off, and since I dismissed the insurance agent when she called, because she was just too otherworldly hyper for my taste, I have to get online to shop for an ACA insurance plan. That oughtta be fun, right? I have to find a plan that has decent coverage for my psych meds and for psychotherapy. Geez, no wonder I’m so nervous all the time.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

The Cold Wind Has Teeth

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“Consciousness cannot be accounted for in physical terms. For consciousness is absolutely fundamental. It cannot be accounted for in terms of anything else.” ~ Erwin Schrödinger

“No, free will is not an ‘extra’; it is part and parcel of the very essence of consciousness. A conscious being without free will is simply a metaphysical absurdity.” ~ Raymond Smullyan  

“We have a closed circle of consistency here: the laws of physics produce complex systems, and these complex systems lead to consciousness, which then produces mathematics, which can then encode in a succinct and inspiring way the very underlying laws of physics that gave rise to it.” ~ Roger Penrose

This morning’s opening quotes are certainly tasty for me. I don’t (although I suspect I do) know what got into me. See, it was a really weird day yesterday. First, I am not used to being so active, for that long. I left home about 9 am, and arrived home at 2:30 PM. I want to think it was all about responsible adult behavior ‘ceptin’ that ain’t true. The time in between, in retrospect, seems to have been a lot more purposeful than I first realized. For the past few months I have been often getting this feeling that another intelligence is directing my life intentionally. Paranoia, for me, is nearly chronic. These suspicions of other intelligence appear to give me a window down deep. I’d like to be all cute and stuff by telling y’all that I am finding myself gazing back at me, for it’s really a mirror, not a window. Think Alice in Wonderland stepping through the looking glass. The friggin thing is both/and. Boy howdy I ran into a New Ager over at the recycling center yesterday. Somehow that seemed appropriate – the recycling center; and dropping off the recyclables was one of them adult responsibilities I was yakkin about just now. We were standing there by the gate to the recycling center, upon scattered patterns of powdered glass and asphalt, chatting away, when the cold wind kicked it up ’bout ten notches or so. My friend said “I call it the wind of change”. I reckon it is. Bisy backson.


I had to step out on the deck for a bit. Brilliant stars. The cold wind has teeth. And a meteor! Anyway. When we first met my friend was kicking an empty box along the ground. I looked up and away from the box to see her smiling at me. She said “Whenever I see you I think of Gregg Braden. I’ve been seeing a lot about him on the internet lately”. I’ve read some of Gregg’s stuff, but mostly I know him from his gifting me with two of his books, autographed, which was a gesture of support when I was helping my mother die. But, wait a minute, WTF? I remind her of Gregg Braden? I have physically embraced the man, but I wasn’t aware he had rubbed off on me that much. Whatever. I’ve run out of writing time here. I guess I in some way left this post dangling for fear of being seen as a New Ager, but maybe I am.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

Remind Me to Not Forget

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“One moment the world is as it is. The next, it is something entirely different. Something it has never been before.” ~ Anne Rice

“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” ~ Aldous Huxley

“Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.” ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

Coyotes are on the prowl this morning. They were there and vocal when I first went out upon waking; a nice way to start the day – starting with a greeting from coyotes, not the waking part. I pretty much do that every day. It makes the rest of the day a lot easier. A little sense of the absurd helps as well. Moving forward – the opening photo speaks volumes to the way I perceive Winter. Coyotes are only part of that perception. From my neopagan worldview the seasons are sacred, not just chunks of time on the Julian calendar. We touched upon this during my massage yesterday. In the days running up to the Winter Solstice we are provided the time to go inward, a gift in the form of increasing darkness through longer nights. Rest and repair. Home and hearth. That sort of thing. Time to heal from the rigors and wounds of the departing year. I am acutely aware that massage is about way more than loosening up sore spots, and I don’t even have to be reminded, because that is why I go there. Boy howdy did she ever hit some sore spots yesterday. Several times I got all weepy and stuff when she happened upon a trigger for muscle memories and their emotional counterparts. I didn’t mention this to her while my face was in the cushioned ring  –  maybe a guy thing, I don’t know. But I think she knew anyway that I briefly cried each time. There’s no way I can hide the intense pain when she first pushes one of these triggers. Because of the hypervigilence from PTSD my whole body snaps in a brief spasm each time she hits one. The emotional reaction is more like a flash flood than a spasm. Yeh, so what, I cried, right? I think I will step outside for a few. It’s about 10º out there, so I won’t stay long. Maybe the coyotes will sing.


The writing seems to be coming pretty easy this morning. It hasn’t been that way for weeks now. But I still feel I’ve been coming up short. I liked it better when I was still writing longer post, up to 1000-1200 words. Some of the posts on my old blog (click here) are wonderful and not sparing of words. I miss that. Regardless, I’m not going to push it this morning, because it feels just right, as is. I do want to note that yesterday I purchased a Kindle copy of the book Goddesses in Every Woman, by Jean Shinoda Bolen. It was a recommendation from my psychotherapist, whom I saw immediately after massage. What spurred her to offer the recommendation was my telling her the story I wrote about here yesterday, about the stunning smile from a pretty lady. She’s a Jungian analyst so ya kinda sorta gotta expect that kind of thing. This all goes back to my head trauma/NDE in 1984. My whole world changed without shaking first. The goddess Brighid was right there to help me through it, and she is still with me because dag nab it the healing never ends. Ever since that fateful day I’ve most always seen the goddess in every woman, it’s just not near as bright as it was with Brighid and, to a lesser degree, that smiley woman two days ago. I see her in the massage therapist, who’s healing hands are exemplary of Brighid, who has healing as one of her three aspects. How cool is that?! Anyway – my goddess-oriented worldview was mui difficult to navigate at first, and in the following many years. That smiley woman reminded me to not forget. That last sentence is not as clunky as it may seem.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

About That Smile

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“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” ~ John Lennon

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”  ~ Plato

It’s one of those days. There’s so much going on in the news that it is way difficult to know where to focus, or do you just look away from it all for a while? Looking away doesn’t work for me. But a day of relaxation and exploration does work. As luck would have it my massage appointment falls on the same day as the psychotherapy appointment – back to back. Mind, body, and spirit. Sweet. Then a second day off from work tomorrow. I think decompression is a good word for it. Self-care, recalibration, fine-tuning, whatever. As usual, it’s all about me. Right now I have the second cup of coffee in front of me. The cat, Miss Whiny, finally calmed down and settled into a cat nap. The Sun will rise in one hour. The air temperature is 17º. The solar wind stream, and the resulting geomagnetic storm, have passed. Wait, what? Yeh, reading about the solar weather is part of my morning routine. A frisky geomagnetic storm can cause all kinds of glitches. People usually look at me kinda strange when I mention that such a storm has something to do with a computer crashing, or just getting glitchy. Like I am some kind of woo woo guy (that may be true). But the effects of a storm in the Earth’s atmosphere are palpable. It can mess up the functioning of satellites and power grids, and, I suspect, our precious central nervous systems. It’s not woo woo, it’s science. There’s a difference. Right now I think I’ll step outside and watch the lightening of the penumbra for a few minutes.


It’s lovely out there. The moon is behind a thin veil of clouds, casting an orange and blue ring. The neighborhood dogs had a barking spree and some of them sounded angry. Probably coyotes passing through. Because I am having a hard time staying focused the whole scene was calming. Speaking of calming, I saw a smile yesterday. I see a lot of smiles during a work shift but this one was different. A young woman, I’m guessing 30-ish. Physically beautiful, exceptionally so, in fact (I won’t call her a 10. Who do you think I am, the president?!). When she stepped up to the checkout counter I looked at her to greet her (eye contact, it’s in the manual) and what I saw literally stunned me. My jaw is usually so tense that it cannot drop, so that wasn’t a problem. But my gaze did linger longer than it should, professionally speaking. I don’t recall what she bought, nor any other details of the transaction. I’m tempted to get all academic here, but I ain’t goin’ there with this. What I am saying is that I had a heckuva time looking away when I needed to, because there was a line of people. Alacrity was needed on my part. That woman had an exceptionally bright smile. She shook me up. She came back a couple of hours later to get more of what she needed to complete her project. That was when the significance of the situation hit me. The first encounter struck me as somewhat sexual. It’s a DNA thing. The second time I saw the spiritual aspects, loud and clear, even after she tossed her head over her right shoulder as she left, to smile once more and to say “see ya”. Yeh, it was a flirtatious gesture. I turned to the window to watch her walk back out to her car. I had an expansive, calm feeling. All things considered, it was a spiritual experience to see that much Light emanating from a person. I can’t say much more about it. When spirits connect all kinds of things can happen. This one was a good one. Exceptionally so. Sigh. It’s time to feed the cat now so I’ll wrap this post up and get on with the day.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.

A Dim Flash of Brilliance

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“Clearly, all fear has an element of resistance and a leaning away from the moment. Its dynamic is not unlike that of strong desire except that fear leans backward into the last safe moment while desire leans forward toward the next possibility of satisfaction. Each lacks presence.” ~ Stephen Levine

“Books, you know, they’re not just commodities. The profit motive often is in conflict with the aims of art. We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings. Resistance and change often begin in art, and very often in our art—the art of words.”  ~ Ursula K. Le Guin

“To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.” ~ Bill Maher

This post is a gamble, but I think I found a solution to a problem, that problem being exemplified by me losing two drafts for posts yesterday. After losing the second one I gave up for the day, underscoring that decision with some healthy expletives. That is why there was nothing posted. I’d run out of time. But . . . I had already pretty much figured out just how I was losing the drafts, I just didn’t know what to do to prevent it. Before leaving the house for work I had a dim flash of brilliance and took a tech step to resolve the problem. Yes, I think it is going to work quite nicely. We’ll see, right? Creative problem solving can be fun. It took me a while, but good on me anyway. Not everything has to be done in a hurry. As for now, it is friggin cold outside – 8º – but beautiful nonetheless. My mind is all over the field this morning, a condition I think was brought on through exasperation at the truly monstrous approach to governing that the far right has to offer. I think they know full well that what they seek to achieve will hurt or even harm many Americans, but they are not concerned with such petty stuff as the well-being and quality of life of others. Seems kind of stupid to me, besides being morally and spiritually reprehensible. Another factor for the distractions that leave my mind kinda chaotic at the moment is that I found out two days ago that I am losing my Medicaid at the end of the month, year, whatever. Sigh. I’ll find a solution for this loss as well (my daily meds cost $200 per month!). In the meantime I’ll settle for romantic notions and creativity to tide me over until the quiver in my mind settles down. Good on me, right? No hurry. A good woman is worth waiting for, and an upsurge in my creative drive is making me smile.

Peace out, y’all. Goof gloriously.